The Brett Favre plot thickens. I found out today that he's going to show up to training camp in hopes of pushing Aaron Rodgers out. What a complete dick. Again...just go the fuck away Brett Favre. Dear god.
I saw the Dark Knight yesterday, and I gotta admit, the hype is well warranted. The film is fucking amazing. It's dark, action packed, smart, with just the right seasoning of funny. Yes, Heath Ledger is perfect, and it's a bummer what happened to him. I was seriously blown away by how great the movie was. I'm a batman fan to begin with, and even I think that each nuance of the movie was beautifully executed. Well done.
On that note, the Dark Knight left a lasting effect on me today as I sat in my office, and I began to ponder great action movies that simply have all the elements that make them re-watchable over and over; action movies that are pure entertainment and just a fucking good time to experience. Here's my little list.
The Die Hard Trilogy
Pretty obvious I know, but you have got to respect this quirky, shoot-em-up-and-explode-em trilogy. Disclaimer: I'm not including the fourth installment of Die Hard because although I thought it was well done and entertaining, it doesn't maintain the same sense of nostalgic qualities the original, authentic Die Hard Trilogy does. Therefore, no discussion of it will be made.
What makes this entire trilogy amazing is simple - the Gruber brothers. Not many people talk about Die Hard 2, and even though I feel like it is a massively underrated film, it strayed from the formula of the Grubers (similar to how Indiana Jones strayed from the Nazis in the Temple of Doom, but we'll get to that later). Plus, it's slightly political and complex, dealing with the forceful release of a highly controversial political prisoner by a gaggle of turncoats. This is just too much. The audience of an action movie doesn't want to have to think too much. That's why the geniuses behind Die Hard with a Vengeance made it simple. A man wants to kill John McClain and in the process makes him solve a bunch of riddles and puzzles. Brilliant. I love riddles. But Gruber's vendetta against our heroic protagonist makes the films. McClain is a vagabond who just happens to be a cop. He's the "every-man" the public loves, and he's a fucking funny, smart-ass who kills bad guys. Sounds simple, but damn that shit works. Plus, in Die Hard with a Vengeance, the brilliant minds of Hollywood decide to pair him up with Samuel L. Jackson. Perfect move.
Die Hard with a Vengeance formula: Renegade cop + Street wise black man + Hazardous but entertaining riddles and puzzles + A bunch of bad foreigners (I mean, who likes foreigners anyway right?) + Big explosions and gunfire = Picture perfect action film.
The Indiana Jones Trilogy
Again, I'm not going to mention the most recent installment. Mainly because it wasn't that great. Aliens at the end? Really? And also because Harrison Ford just could not maintain the same spry attitude that epitomizes Indiana Jones. Different movie all together. Not that impressed.
As was said before, Indiana Jones also fell out of the "what works every time formula" when it made Temple of Doom. I've had this conversation many a time with my friends, but Temple of Doom is too campy; it's too cheese-ball. And it gets away from what will always work in any movie - fucking Nazis. Indiana Jones has all ready got tons of shit going for it because it deals with archeology. I love archeology because it's about cryptic, mysterious shit that we can only imagine ever seeing. However, Indiana Jones is always out finding it. Again, I'm going to focus on the highlight of the three films, which is Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Like Die Hard with a Vengeance, the makers of the films figured, "Hey we got it right the first time, we can experiment a little with the second film," only to get a firm slap on the wrist when they stray a little too far. Formula works with action films. That's why there's a formula. Gruber's = Die Hard and Nazis = Indiana Jones.
Also, in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Sean Connery is thrown into the cauldron as the dense, yet intelligent father to Indiana. Similar to Samuel L. Jackson, the addition is perfect and adds just the right amount of spice to the film. Plus, they're searching for the Holy Grail. You can't get much more archaeological than that. Did, I mention the Nazis are after it too? Beautiful.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade formula: Dashing, attractive professor by day and charming yet daring archaeologist by night + veteran Scottish actor with a beard + search for the Holy Grail (I mean come on, it's the Holy Grail) + Retro setting (for nostalgic factor) + fucking Nazis = Picture perfect action film.
Okay, okay, I kind of went off on several tangents with those trilogies because number one, they're trilogies and number two, they're six of my favorite action movies of all time. i do think it's fantastic that the third installment in each series is my favorite. Everyone wants to laud the original, but that's just because they feel like they have to. It's like giving every movie from the 1930's four stars or saying that the 72' Dolphins team is the best team of all-time. Trust me, have them play the 2007 Dolphins (uhhh...1-15) and they'd get fucking smoked. People feel like they have to say the 72' team is the best because they went undefeated. Whatever, they played like 4 teams with winning records. Whoa, whoa, whoa...sorry, the sports sidebars just sneak up on me.
Anyway, the formula was tweaked and perfected with each installment, thus resulting in two amazing action films: Die Hard with a Vengeance and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
Here are some other amazing action films and the reasons why. Disclaimer #2: I'm going to try and stay away from sports movies at all costs. They belong in their own category. Okay then...I'm gonna try to sum the rest of these up in two sentences or less.
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
The special effects still hold up and Arnold is in his motherfucking prime. Plus, you can't beat those creepy sound effects maintained throughout the movie
Speed
Keanu Reeves' crowning moment. Three-quarters of the film takes place on a goddamn raging bus. Pieces of highway are missing, Sandra Bullock actually kind of looks okay, and Dennis Hopper is a creepy bastard. Plus, it's the first rated-R movie I ever saw in the theaters.
Cliffhanger
Sylvester Stallone vs. John Lithgow
First Blood
Just Sylvester Stallone. The film really has no plot, and that makes it all the better. Oh, and there's a big ass fucking knife.
Predator
I realize I'm really just promoting Sly and Arnold films here but is that such a bad thing? The Predator's a frightening beast, and the geniuses of Hollywood figured out a perfect formula: Don't Let Arnold talk, and cover him in mud.
Any Steven Seagal Movie
It's simple. Seagal has one signature move. He grabs a body part and forces it the way the joint doesn't want to go, thus popping a bone out into open air. I could watch this over and over again, and thankfully there are many Seagal gems that allow me to do so.
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
These movies finally made me into a verifiable dork (I had been avoiding Star Wars mania for years). Epic, and I mean epic, action scenes, Liv Tyler looking amazing, and talking trees. Done and done.
Braveheart
I know Mel Gibson is a jackass, but this movie spurned a series of forgettable "epics." William Wallace has his limbs ripped from his body and his innards strewn about at the end...absolutely vicious. When he yells "Freedom!" I wanted to lose it. There's no shame in that right? This movie made me want to buy a sword and take more pride in my Scottish roots.
The Dark Knight
Go see it.
Okay, there's definitely more, but I'm done for now.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
dear brett favre,
you suck. for real. i didn't believe you when you said you were retiring, and it looks like i can heap another load of "i told you so's" onto my all ready expansive ego. why do you keep doing this to everyone? we all know why you came back last year. you just wanted the records because you're selfish. then, when your team showed some amazing progress, you thought to yourself, "maybe i can beat this dead horse a little while longer." you hold your team hostage year after year because you think you have some sort of righteous entitlement to do so. well, i guess you did win that one super bowl...like 12 years ago. good job chief. we're very proud.
and as the football season slowly approaches you've once again gotten "the itch" to play again. shocking. i didn't see this coming at all four months ago when you mentioned that if aaron rodgers got hurt you'd be tempted to return. and let's talk a second about aaron rodgers. what are you doing to this poor man? he had to sit behind you for four years and hear about how great and spectacular you are, all the while secretly knowing that you're really not that great (that's right, i can read minds), and now he finally gets his chance only to have it spit right back in his face. the funny thing is, i think aaron rodgers will be a good quarterback in this league. really, i do. but how can he get comfortable when he constantly has the old chucker lurking in the shadows year after year after year.
also brett, why are you so upset that the packers are being kind of cold to you? you fucking retired! right? am i dense or did i not witness you weeping at a press conference as you stated that it just wasn't possible to go through another season. you couldn't mentally do it. should the packers have sat around twiddling their thumbs wishing and praying that you just might return. i think the organization is sick of your shit, and i don't understand how any rational, level-headed human being can blame them. they were optimistically moving on with a quarterback they had confidence in and you snuck back in. it's ridiculous. you are so quick whine to espn, and unfortunately it's a slow time in the sports world so they are willing to listen and blow the story way out of proportion. make it stop. please make it stop.
will someone make brett favre go away? i'd be ever so grateful.
and as the football season slowly approaches you've once again gotten "the itch" to play again. shocking. i didn't see this coming at all four months ago when you mentioned that if aaron rodgers got hurt you'd be tempted to return. and let's talk a second about aaron rodgers. what are you doing to this poor man? he had to sit behind you for four years and hear about how great and spectacular you are, all the while secretly knowing that you're really not that great (that's right, i can read minds), and now he finally gets his chance only to have it spit right back in his face. the funny thing is, i think aaron rodgers will be a good quarterback in this league. really, i do. but how can he get comfortable when he constantly has the old chucker lurking in the shadows year after year after year.
also brett, why are you so upset that the packers are being kind of cold to you? you fucking retired! right? am i dense or did i not witness you weeping at a press conference as you stated that it just wasn't possible to go through another season. you couldn't mentally do it. should the packers have sat around twiddling their thumbs wishing and praying that you just might return. i think the organization is sick of your shit, and i don't understand how any rational, level-headed human being can blame them. they were optimistically moving on with a quarterback they had confidence in and you snuck back in. it's ridiculous. you are so quick whine to espn, and unfortunately it's a slow time in the sports world so they are willing to listen and blow the story way out of proportion. make it stop. please make it stop.
will someone make brett favre go away? i'd be ever so grateful.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
your community market.
i was in cincinnati this past weekend for the 4th of july and my mom's birthday. i got to eat and drink for free, play cornhole, toss a baseball around, hang out with the posse, and watch $2,000 worth of fireworks be shot off in a backyard. all in all, it was a damn fine weekend.
one of my favorite parts, however, was the five minutes i spent in the riddle road market. if you know me well, you know all about the strong affinity i hold for the hole in the wall market on the corner of riddle and marshall. for a couple of years, i lived in a house across the street from there and frequented it daily. regrettably, i moved away in 2006 only to move back to riddle in 2007, partially just to be close to the market again. i fucking love that place. there are various reasons.
i'm a neighborhood kind of person. i love where i live in chicago because it has a neighborhood feel that areas like wicker park or wrigleyville lack in my opinion. it has a small, unimpressive, yet beautifully charming farmer's market on sundays. people smile and say hello to complete strangers in passing. the neighborhood's striving to open up a food co-op that i recently became a member of. bricks were thrown through windows when a starbucks began construction to open up a store last fall. see what i mean? neighborhood and banning together.
the market is the central nervous system of the riddle neighborhood. i walk in there and they know my name. they seem to know everyone's name. they know what i'm getting to drink and what kind of cigarettes i'm buying. this is a reassuring and comforting feeling. a gatorade costs a dollar. i don't want change and the market doesn't give it to me. they host a block party and cook out hot dogs on random occasions. they sell single cigarettes. the owner john comes to parties on the street at like 3 in the morning with alcohol, and if we run out we go get more at like 5 in the morning for free because guess what? he's got the keys. this has happened on several separate occasions. at the beginning of each quarter of school john purchases a wall of nati light that enshrouds the windows of the market and you get to slowly watch it get chipped away at by the uc frat dudes. the market was robbed three times in the span of three months and john got shot in the leg because he basically refused to give the criminals shit. when it snows outside, he snowblows the sidewalks up and down the street, not just in front of the market.
my ex-roommates and i are also slightly suspicious that john is the leader of a drug ring and the market's the hub of operations. pretty sure drugs are dealt out of there. that's as neighborhood as it gets.
given, i latch on to places and romanticize them to everyone. i know i do that. whatever. however, any place that will still cook me a pizza on a pita even though they stopped making them like two years ago is typically gonna be a fucking solid and reliable establishment.
this post is really going nowhere and i didn't really intend for it to. it's an ode. i miss cincinnati for reasons like this. places like the market make me smile. i used to go out of my way to drive there during the few rare occasions of my life when i didn't live on riddle.
and every time i visit, i still make it a point to stop by.
one of my favorite parts, however, was the five minutes i spent in the riddle road market. if you know me well, you know all about the strong affinity i hold for the hole in the wall market on the corner of riddle and marshall. for a couple of years, i lived in a house across the street from there and frequented it daily. regrettably, i moved away in 2006 only to move back to riddle in 2007, partially just to be close to the market again. i fucking love that place. there are various reasons.
i'm a neighborhood kind of person. i love where i live in chicago because it has a neighborhood feel that areas like wicker park or wrigleyville lack in my opinion. it has a small, unimpressive, yet beautifully charming farmer's market on sundays. people smile and say hello to complete strangers in passing. the neighborhood's striving to open up a food co-op that i recently became a member of. bricks were thrown through windows when a starbucks began construction to open up a store last fall. see what i mean? neighborhood and banning together.
the market is the central nervous system of the riddle neighborhood. i walk in there and they know my name. they seem to know everyone's name. they know what i'm getting to drink and what kind of cigarettes i'm buying. this is a reassuring and comforting feeling. a gatorade costs a dollar. i don't want change and the market doesn't give it to me. they host a block party and cook out hot dogs on random occasions. they sell single cigarettes. the owner john comes to parties on the street at like 3 in the morning with alcohol, and if we run out we go get more at like 5 in the morning for free because guess what? he's got the keys. this has happened on several separate occasions. at the beginning of each quarter of school john purchases a wall of nati light that enshrouds the windows of the market and you get to slowly watch it get chipped away at by the uc frat dudes. the market was robbed three times in the span of three months and john got shot in the leg because he basically refused to give the criminals shit. when it snows outside, he snowblows the sidewalks up and down the street, not just in front of the market.
my ex-roommates and i are also slightly suspicious that john is the leader of a drug ring and the market's the hub of operations. pretty sure drugs are dealt out of there. that's as neighborhood as it gets.
given, i latch on to places and romanticize them to everyone. i know i do that. whatever. however, any place that will still cook me a pizza on a pita even though they stopped making them like two years ago is typically gonna be a fucking solid and reliable establishment.
this post is really going nowhere and i didn't really intend for it to. it's an ode. i miss cincinnati for reasons like this. places like the market make me smile. i used to go out of my way to drive there during the few rare occasions of my life when i didn't live on riddle.
and every time i visit, i still make it a point to stop by.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
cynicism explored.
now, don't get me wrong ESPN, i still love you. we wake up together in the morning and go to bed together at night. you provide me with endless podcast entertainment throughout the day. i watch and read you like it's my job and even dabble a little in your fantasy leagues. when no one else wants to give me sports, you never hesitate. you complete me.
that being said, i cringe every year around this time because the channel/website/magazine i so admiringly adore churns out some of the most exploitative bullshit ever. if you are even somewhat in tune with ESPN programming then you're probably familiar with the "My Wish" segment of the show. In this ten minutes of torture, ESPN spews forth the most trite, watered down, and inexplicably unwatchable puff pieces i've ever seen. and to top it all off, they have chris connelly narrate. dear lord.
i'm sure you're probably thinking right now, "come on kevin, why do you have to be so cynical? sure it's a puff piece, but they're touching stories and athletes are involving themselves in order to make these kids feel better." this is true. but to what end does ESPN involve itself? the athlete thing is neither here nor there. he (i'm forgoing the he or she for the sake of brevity) shows up for about a half an hour, talks to the kid who idolizes him, signs some shit, and takes off. occasionally he'll play a game with the kid. and you know what? that's great because the kid seems happy that he just got to meet his hero, and he's fucking stoked. i'm all for that. good times. thumbs up.
it's how espn approaches it though. i'm sorry, but the transition just can't be there. you can't go from meticulously evaluating and covering brute, violent sport to a puff piece. the network airs a vicious fight between the rays and the red sox and subsequently discusses the necessity of throwing a 90 mph fastball at a batter in order to protect your team. i mean the announcers were literally pinpointing the part of the body you should sling the ball towards. have you ever been hit with a baseball? it fucking hurts...bad. and they were discussing why a pitcher needs to intentionally do this at times. and within 20 seconds of finishing that analysis,the channel transitions to a story about a kid with terminal cancer who finally got to meet alex rodriguez, his idol. the whole thing screams of desperation on ESPN's part, and it sucks. i mean, puff pieces are puff pieces. there's no escaping them, and 90% of the time they're bullshit, but i just feel like ESPN is exploiting the hell out of unfortunate kids for the sake of appealing to more of a mass audience that really isn't watching anyway. people who watch ESPN watch it for the sports. that's it. stop bullshitting around and stick to what you know.
oh, and did i mention chris connelly narrates? ugh.
please don't take this fired up rant as any kind of knock on anyone performing charitable acts for disadvantaged kids. if you are taking it that way...then you're dumb.
that being said, i cringe every year around this time because the channel/website/magazine i so admiringly adore churns out some of the most exploitative bullshit ever. if you are even somewhat in tune with ESPN programming then you're probably familiar with the "My Wish" segment of the show. In this ten minutes of torture, ESPN spews forth the most trite, watered down, and inexplicably unwatchable puff pieces i've ever seen. and to top it all off, they have chris connelly narrate. dear lord.
i'm sure you're probably thinking right now, "come on kevin, why do you have to be so cynical? sure it's a puff piece, but they're touching stories and athletes are involving themselves in order to make these kids feel better." this is true. but to what end does ESPN involve itself? the athlete thing is neither here nor there. he (i'm forgoing the he or she for the sake of brevity) shows up for about a half an hour, talks to the kid who idolizes him, signs some shit, and takes off. occasionally he'll play a game with the kid. and you know what? that's great because the kid seems happy that he just got to meet his hero, and he's fucking stoked. i'm all for that. good times. thumbs up.
it's how espn approaches it though. i'm sorry, but the transition just can't be there. you can't go from meticulously evaluating and covering brute, violent sport to a puff piece. the network airs a vicious fight between the rays and the red sox and subsequently discusses the necessity of throwing a 90 mph fastball at a batter in order to protect your team. i mean the announcers were literally pinpointing the part of the body you should sling the ball towards. have you ever been hit with a baseball? it fucking hurts...bad. and they were discussing why a pitcher needs to intentionally do this at times. and within 20 seconds of finishing that analysis,the channel transitions to a story about a kid with terminal cancer who finally got to meet alex rodriguez, his idol. the whole thing screams of desperation on ESPN's part, and it sucks. i mean, puff pieces are puff pieces. there's no escaping them, and 90% of the time they're bullshit, but i just feel like ESPN is exploiting the hell out of unfortunate kids for the sake of appealing to more of a mass audience that really isn't watching anyway. people who watch ESPN watch it for the sports. that's it. stop bullshitting around and stick to what you know.
oh, and did i mention chris connelly narrates? ugh.
please don't take this fired up rant as any kind of knock on anyone performing charitable acts for disadvantaged kids. if you are taking it that way...then you're dumb.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
seasoned.
okay, so i was having this conversation with a few people yesterday about what the prime season is. i'm sure everyone has had this conversation at some point. we went back and forth for a while. one said fall and one said late spring, which is the equivalent to just choosing any piece of a season and saying it's the best. it doesn't work that way. you can't just say my favorite season is the two weeks at the end of december because they contain christmas and new year's. i don't think so. anyway, it has become obvious to me over the last couple of years that the best season is and will always be summer.
fall is the easy answer, and i used to claim it as the best time of year as well. you know why? because it contains a keen sense of nostalgia. definitely the most nostalgic season of the year. cool weather, campfires, leaves falling, football...all that shit. i think the smells are the most apparent during fall in comparison to any other time of year. such things leave nice impressions on young impressionable minds. however, now that i'm old and crotchity, you begin to realize all the bullshit of the change from summer to fall. no one, at least not me, wants to have to start wearing heavier clothing and layers. why would i want to have more clothing on when i could easily have less? i know the fashion possibilities and creative layering that can occur with season changes, but let's try to keep those separate. i'm talking about comfortability. shorts and a t-shirt sound better than jeans and a hoodie to me.
you know what else? i like to sweat. actually i kind of love it. it makes me feel like i accomplished something. like i was sent to complete a task, and goddamnit, i took care of it. i like going running or biking more in the summer because i come back as a hot, disgusting mess. it's an indescribable, refreshing feeling. you just can't get that same sensation with other seasons.
also, the hang out time is maximized in summer. porches and decks rule all, and there is definitely something to be said for spending an entire night hanging out on someone's porch and drinking adult beverages. is there anything you'd rather do than hang out with friends outside on a warm evening and rehash the same jokes and stories you've been telling for years? honestly, that sounds pretty fucking good to me. you don't want to sit inside during summer. you want to be active. it sounds simple and kind of dumb but outside is better than inside. absolutely.
i guess one of my main points to this rant is that i feel summer is underrated in the midwest because of the actual appearance of seasons (unlike southern california). people maintain affinities for those that are the "changing" seasons, like spring and fall, because of the certain amount of "feel" that comes along with that. nostalgia's great and all, but does it ever make you feel great? i don't really think so. even the good times are viewed sadly as pieces of life that can't and won't happen again. kind of a bummer. i feel that summer is more respected and enjoyed in the moment, without any preconceptions. or maybe i just want to think and remember less. that's always a possibility too.
oh by the way, i'm not really even going to mention winter. it's just fucking cold.
fall is the easy answer, and i used to claim it as the best time of year as well. you know why? because it contains a keen sense of nostalgia. definitely the most nostalgic season of the year. cool weather, campfires, leaves falling, football...all that shit. i think the smells are the most apparent during fall in comparison to any other time of year. such things leave nice impressions on young impressionable minds. however, now that i'm old and crotchity, you begin to realize all the bullshit of the change from summer to fall. no one, at least not me, wants to have to start wearing heavier clothing and layers. why would i want to have more clothing on when i could easily have less? i know the fashion possibilities and creative layering that can occur with season changes, but let's try to keep those separate. i'm talking about comfortability. shorts and a t-shirt sound better than jeans and a hoodie to me.
you know what else? i like to sweat. actually i kind of love it. it makes me feel like i accomplished something. like i was sent to complete a task, and goddamnit, i took care of it. i like going running or biking more in the summer because i come back as a hot, disgusting mess. it's an indescribable, refreshing feeling. you just can't get that same sensation with other seasons.
also, the hang out time is maximized in summer. porches and decks rule all, and there is definitely something to be said for spending an entire night hanging out on someone's porch and drinking adult beverages. is there anything you'd rather do than hang out with friends outside on a warm evening and rehash the same jokes and stories you've been telling for years? honestly, that sounds pretty fucking good to me. you don't want to sit inside during summer. you want to be active. it sounds simple and kind of dumb but outside is better than inside. absolutely.
i guess one of my main points to this rant is that i feel summer is underrated in the midwest because of the actual appearance of seasons (unlike southern california). people maintain affinities for those that are the "changing" seasons, like spring and fall, because of the certain amount of "feel" that comes along with that. nostalgia's great and all, but does it ever make you feel great? i don't really think so. even the good times are viewed sadly as pieces of life that can't and won't happen again. kind of a bummer. i feel that summer is more respected and enjoyed in the moment, without any preconceptions. or maybe i just want to think and remember less. that's always a possibility too.
oh by the way, i'm not really even going to mention winter. it's just fucking cold.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
scattered everywhere.
random thoughts i have in the morning (in chronological order):
-should i hit the snooze button?
-what's the weather like?
-i wonder if kevin (my roommate...yes, his name is also kevin) is in the bathroom.
-i hope the water pitcher is full of cold water.
-hashbrowns and buttered toast or granola and a banana?
-fuck mike and mike in the morning. they get more annoying every passing day. i'm just gonna watch sportscenter.
-why do the reds always lose to the cardinals (cubs, brewers, etc, etc)?
-goddamn, i don't feel like running.
-what's the weather like?
-what converge album am i going to listen to while i'm running?
-i'd love to live on logan boulevard. look at all the trees, strollers, and fences. so neighborhood like.
-i'm a fan of sweating.
-do i have time to take a shower?
-eh, fuck it. i'm fine.
-water, vitamins
-what pair of dirty, mismatched socks am i going to wear today?
-what piece of american apparel is it going to be today?
-why do people at the train station look down the tunnel to see if the train's coming? trust me, you'll be able to hear it coming.
-i wonder if i get reception down here? let me check. (i never do).
-i'd rather just stand on the train. i have to sit down all day at work.
-everyone on the train is trying to act like their reading a book or listening to music. in actuality, they're all taking quick glances at everyone else and sizing them up.
-i wonder if there's a quicker way/shortcut to work. (i'm obsessed with shortcuts).
-do the people at 7/11 look forward to seeing me everyday? they seem like it.
-water, vitamin water, or smoothie?
-i'll always take the stairs. i like feeling like i'm getting some kind of exercise.
-i can never get comfortable in my office. if only i had something to put my feet up on.
-should i hit the snooze button?
-what's the weather like?
-i wonder if kevin (my roommate...yes, his name is also kevin) is in the bathroom.
-i hope the water pitcher is full of cold water.
-hashbrowns and buttered toast or granola and a banana?
-fuck mike and mike in the morning. they get more annoying every passing day. i'm just gonna watch sportscenter.
-why do the reds always lose to the cardinals (cubs, brewers, etc, etc)?
-goddamn, i don't feel like running.
-what's the weather like?
-what converge album am i going to listen to while i'm running?
-i'd love to live on logan boulevard. look at all the trees, strollers, and fences. so neighborhood like.
-i'm a fan of sweating.
-do i have time to take a shower?
-eh, fuck it. i'm fine.
-water, vitamins
-what pair of dirty, mismatched socks am i going to wear today?
-what piece of american apparel is it going to be today?
-why do people at the train station look down the tunnel to see if the train's coming? trust me, you'll be able to hear it coming.
-i wonder if i get reception down here? let me check. (i never do).
-i'd rather just stand on the train. i have to sit down all day at work.
-everyone on the train is trying to act like their reading a book or listening to music. in actuality, they're all taking quick glances at everyone else and sizing them up.
-i wonder if there's a quicker way/shortcut to work. (i'm obsessed with shortcuts).
-do the people at 7/11 look forward to seeing me everyday? they seem like it.
-water, vitamin water, or smoothie?
-i'll always take the stairs. i like feeling like i'm getting some kind of exercise.
-i can never get comfortable in my office. if only i had something to put my feet up on.
Monday, June 2, 2008
diners.
i know that justin and i have had this conversation before, but i'm watching diners, drive-ins, and dives right now and wondering how guy fieri is not a disgusting, fat behemoth. when you think of best jobs in the world (i.e. bill simmons) guy fieri always comes to mind. the food network pays for him to go around the country and eat whatever the hell he wants as he visits some of the most delectable looking greasy spoons i have ever seen. and damn does he eat everything. it's fucking awesome. i don't eat meat, but some of the greasy, cheesy, and utterly delicious shit that he shoves down his gullet looks like it's been baptized by the gods.
what makes this show so great and seemingly brilliant in comparison to other food network shows is that it showcases what america really craves. not those rachel ray low calorie, spinach-ridden abominations, but meat that's been marinated in other meat juices, then sauteed in 12 pounds of garlic and topped with five different mounds of cheese. served with fries on the side of course.
and he eats it all. they just got done with a chicago diner, and he literally ate a cheddar burger, a polish sausage, a massive hot dog, and a whole heap of italian beef. it's awe inspiring. now, fieri is by no means in shape, and i don't think he'd ever really want to be (it'd like ruin his street cred or something), but he should weigh about 50 more pounds. maybe it's all those "healthy" california diners that level him out. i don't know.
no one in these restaurants looks healthy. those who are quick to say, "i've been coming here for over 20 years" typically aren't the type of people who choose the stairs over the escalator. however, for the split moment when they're eating, and the food network is there to capture it, they're happy. and that makes me happy.
(my god, they just showed guy how they make their cheese sauce. then the chef made a pancake that is literally the size of a pizza and topped it with a burger, sausage, bacon, hash browns, eggs, and said cheese sauce. to top it all off...the dish was served to one, single, solitary man to eat. i don't know how that's even legal).
anyway, guy fieri looks like a turd. justin tells me that it's the "northern california look" because that section of california is typically 5 years behind the rest of the "hip" parts of the state. fieri wears bowling shirts, spikes his ridiculously bleached blond hair, and puts his sunglasses on the back of his head. oh, and don't forget the nautical tattoos. all of this used to distract me, but i don't even remotely fucking care anymore. he's one of the coolest people on tv because he's a happy dude and has the privilege to have one of the best jobs in the world. he knows it too. i mean...i really want to hang out with him. i think it'd be an entertaining time to roll around in his convertible and pound budweisers. no joke.
okay...this post has been distracting me from watching the show. time to end it.
what makes this show so great and seemingly brilliant in comparison to other food network shows is that it showcases what america really craves. not those rachel ray low calorie, spinach-ridden abominations, but meat that's been marinated in other meat juices, then sauteed in 12 pounds of garlic and topped with five different mounds of cheese. served with fries on the side of course.
and he eats it all. they just got done with a chicago diner, and he literally ate a cheddar burger, a polish sausage, a massive hot dog, and a whole heap of italian beef. it's awe inspiring. now, fieri is by no means in shape, and i don't think he'd ever really want to be (it'd like ruin his street cred or something), but he should weigh about 50 more pounds. maybe it's all those "healthy" california diners that level him out. i don't know.
no one in these restaurants looks healthy. those who are quick to say, "i've been coming here for over 20 years" typically aren't the type of people who choose the stairs over the escalator. however, for the split moment when they're eating, and the food network is there to capture it, they're happy. and that makes me happy.
(my god, they just showed guy how they make their cheese sauce. then the chef made a pancake that is literally the size of a pizza and topped it with a burger, sausage, bacon, hash browns, eggs, and said cheese sauce. to top it all off...the dish was served to one, single, solitary man to eat. i don't know how that's even legal).
anyway, guy fieri looks like a turd. justin tells me that it's the "northern california look" because that section of california is typically 5 years behind the rest of the "hip" parts of the state. fieri wears bowling shirts, spikes his ridiculously bleached blond hair, and puts his sunglasses on the back of his head. oh, and don't forget the nautical tattoos. all of this used to distract me, but i don't even remotely fucking care anymore. he's one of the coolest people on tv because he's a happy dude and has the privilege to have one of the best jobs in the world. he knows it too. i mean...i really want to hang out with him. i think it'd be an entertaining time to roll around in his convertible and pound budweisers. no joke.
okay...this post has been distracting me from watching the show. time to end it.
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