five reasons.

why it's difficult to wake up in the morning.

1. having to make breakfast. i'm not much of a bowl of cereal person. i want deliciousness that has been cooked. i always wake up hungry as hell in the morning, and it's always a struggle to fight that hunger down long enough to make some eggs and hashbrowns. sound lazy? well, at least i make my breakfast. do you? i hope to one day have some sort of indentured servant from a neglected european country flipping pancakes for me when i wake up. i'll walk out of my room, sit down, turn on ESPN, and immediately be served some elaborate croissant accompanied by other various breakfast treats. god yes.

2. convincing myself to exercise. again, another motivation problem. i have plenty of motivation to get shit done, but there's always that second or two in which you're like "i really don't feel putting five layers of shirts and sweatshirts on to go running in 25 degree weather." fuck you people with good metabolism. i shit on you. i want to eat a deep fried cream puff stuffed with ding dong's and oatmeal cream pies and not feel like utter shit afterwards. but i gots them fat genes running through my family's blood. huge bummer right?

3. going to work and selling colors. duh.

4. depriving myself of the fantasticosity (i made that word up) that is smoking. let me preface this by saying that i live with one of the most accomplished smokers i have ever met. he puts a lot of work into perfecting his craft and goddamn if he isn't well on his way to stardom. i painstakingly aspire to be like him and with each cigarette i refuse, i disappoint him just a little more. it's tough man. anyway, i barely smoke at all anymore. i will admit that if i have a few adult beverages in me, things change, and the sweet, golden elixir that is nicotine often finds its way into my voraciously coursing blood stream. you'll have that though. it's better than getting utterly shithoused and going home with the hobo that lives in the alleyway behind the bar. right? but yeah, the myths are all true pertaining to quitting/cutting back. you feel better in the morning, are able to breathe easier, and maybe even retain some sense of taste. neat.

5. having to watch 5,000 frank tv commercials. and here's another preface. when james cameron's "epic masterpiece" know as titanic came out, i vowed never to watch it for as long as i lived. it gets pretty exhausting being bombarded from every angle by a dynamic array of hype and reviews which diligently work to crown a melodramatic love story with a ship sinking in the background as being one of cinema's truly great romances. you couldn't escape the bullshit that this movie spewed forth, and people were creaming their pants over it. made me sick then and i still refuse to see it. i rule. now enter frank tv. during the baseball playoffs (october) on tbs, the network decided to fucking flood, and later drown, the senses of the devoted sports fan with a disgusting onslaught of frank tv promotion which wasn't scheduled to premiere for a month (late november). a fucking month. well, the piece of shit has premiered and guess what? they're still putting that impersonating shithead in every commercial break. i absolutely refuse to watch five seconds of that show. i usually even turn over when the commercial comes on. let's get it together tbs. do you need me to come work there and show you how to promote a show? actually, can i just severely injure frank caliwhateverthefuckhislastnameis and put the american public out of its collective misery?

fired up.

next installment - five reasons why i love waking up in the morning.