Monday, January 28, 2008

rambo: a link

this past weekend, a bunch of miscreants went to watch rambo. they wore red bandannas and consistently yelled and clapped throughout the movie, which just created a ruckus. heads exploded and body parts flew every which way. it was pure, unadulterated entertainment. this rambo, however, had something more. sly delved a little bit deeper. he had something to say.

instead of reiterating what my good friend mr. bragg already took the time to painstakingly put on the internets for you people, i'm just going to link you to his blog. it may be long, but it's worth reading. maybe you'll begin looking at old sly stallone from a different angle, although that really won't change the appearance of his sagging face. anyway, check it out:

shit's good.

in other news, i've been contemplating constructing another blog solely devoted to brute sport. hmmm...

Monday, January 21, 2008

cloverfield and fruit.

i saw cloverfield on friday. there was a monster, and shit exploded. i was entertained. the awful narrator finally died near the end. i was more entertained.

next week: rambo.

in honor of john rambo, the shirtless man in this picture is only going to wear a bandanna and some camo shorts to the movie. this time i won't censor his nipples either.
any movie trailer which involves the ripping out of another man's esophagus is going to persuade me to spend 8 bucks (still wielding the student id), and i can only hope to see multiple exploding heads.

i really only want to watch kill em and blow em up movies anymore. pure entertainment value.

while i'm sitting here writing this post, i'm being distracted by this delicious banana i'm eating and have already been completely sidetracked.

so i pose the question: what's the perfect fruit?

bananas - convenient and easy to deal with. i eat them constantly, and the potassium prevents cramps. roger federer (he plays tennis) was practically inhaling them during his 4 hour match at the australian open. and i even love banana flavoring. i'll snatch up the banana runts and banana laffy taffy like its no one's business. bananas do spoil way too quickly though, and i don't like refrigerating them. i buy six and only have the window of time to eat like four.

apples - good but not great. another convenient fruit that is easy to carry around. the apple is that tag-along but dependable friend that you're not always siked to hang out with but still know that you'll have a decent enough evening with. plus they keep for a while in the fridge. fuji apples currently reign supreme.

oranges - a lot of work, but a decent payoff. you kind of need to sit down and dedicate your time to this one though. i'm rarely like "man, i really want to eat an orange!" i drank so much orange juice when i was a kid that i practically drowned myself in it, which hasn't helped me maintain a strong affinity for oranges in general. plus, your fingers get all sticky and you're picking out orange peel fragments from your fingernails the rest of the day. eh.

strawberries - i love strawberries, but i can only find them in something like five pound crates. i'm exaggerating a little, but is it too much to ask to package them in smaller quantities? there's simply no way i can eat all of them in time before they spoil. i did however get a magic bullet for christmas and plan on making several strawberry banana smoothies. so, i guess it won't be that bad to buy them in bulk. but still...

kiwis - i've only just begun buying these but they're delicious. they look more alive than any other fruit because of the fur. the first time i split one open i expected something to fly out of it or for it to begin spilling blood, which is kinda gross. once i got past that though, i realized how great they were. just enough tang to them to make for an interesting taste. plus, i like the color, which definitely counts for something.

pears, watermelon, peaches and other bland fruits - you're too bland. shape up.

tomatoes - i mean, i'll eat them, but they kind of suck. plus they have this androgynous quality to them in which people want to call them vegetables but they're really fruits. i'm really just not going to be into eating something that is having identity problems. get it together. stick to ketchup.

i know there's more to list, but the aforementioned fruits primarily represent the makeup of my fruit diet.

any thoughts or suggestions?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

a barrage of resumes.

they're being sent anywhere and everywhere. if you have any leads or know of any home for one of my resumes, then please let me know. publishing, journalism, or writing. i swear that there's a difference.

i have experience and a master's degree. if that matters.

i'll move. really, i will.

and then i'll miss cincinnati.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

ladies and gentlemen...

it has finally happened. after two years of tortuous academic struggle, i've finished graduate school. during the run, i probably fell victim to a half dozen stress-induced anxiety attacks. shit's hard. undergrad is a cakewalk. even when i finished my classes, i had to take a five question, six-hour long comprehensive English exit exam. ridiculous. then i had to take a language competency exam in german, which i hadn't studied for something like four years. christ on a crutch. it seemed never-ending.

actually, i almost feel like i'm jinxing it because i have nothing tangible yet. i have to patiently wait for the piece of paper to arrive in the mail so that i can say, "see, i really did get my master's. this is a diploma."

oh, and please stop asking me if i'm going to teach. not happening.

either way, i'm not going to make any more money.