Monday, January 21, 2008

cloverfield and fruit.

i saw cloverfield on friday. there was a monster, and shit exploded. i was entertained. the awful narrator finally died near the end. i was more entertained.

next week: rambo.

in honor of john rambo, the shirtless man in this picture is only going to wear a bandanna and some camo shorts to the movie. this time i won't censor his nipples either.
any movie trailer which involves the ripping out of another man's esophagus is going to persuade me to spend 8 bucks (still wielding the student id), and i can only hope to see multiple exploding heads.

i really only want to watch kill em and blow em up movies anymore. pure entertainment value.

while i'm sitting here writing this post, i'm being distracted by this delicious banana i'm eating and have already been completely sidetracked.

so i pose the question: what's the perfect fruit?

bananas - convenient and easy to deal with. i eat them constantly, and the potassium prevents cramps. roger federer (he plays tennis) was practically inhaling them during his 4 hour match at the australian open. and i even love banana flavoring. i'll snatch up the banana runts and banana laffy taffy like its no one's business. bananas do spoil way too quickly though, and i don't like refrigerating them. i buy six and only have the window of time to eat like four.

apples - good but not great. another convenient fruit that is easy to carry around. the apple is that tag-along but dependable friend that you're not always siked to hang out with but still know that you'll have a decent enough evening with. plus they keep for a while in the fridge. fuji apples currently reign supreme.

oranges - a lot of work, but a decent payoff. you kind of need to sit down and dedicate your time to this one though. i'm rarely like "man, i really want to eat an orange!" i drank so much orange juice when i was a kid that i practically drowned myself in it, which hasn't helped me maintain a strong affinity for oranges in general. plus, your fingers get all sticky and you're picking out orange peel fragments from your fingernails the rest of the day. eh.

strawberries - i love strawberries, but i can only find them in something like five pound crates. i'm exaggerating a little, but is it too much to ask to package them in smaller quantities? there's simply no way i can eat all of them in time before they spoil. i did however get a magic bullet for christmas and plan on making several strawberry banana smoothies. so, i guess it won't be that bad to buy them in bulk. but still...

kiwis - i've only just begun buying these but they're delicious. they look more alive than any other fruit because of the fur. the first time i split one open i expected something to fly out of it or for it to begin spilling blood, which is kinda gross. once i got past that though, i realized how great they were. just enough tang to them to make for an interesting taste. plus, i like the color, which definitely counts for something.

pears, watermelon, peaches and other bland fruits - you're too bland. shape up.

tomatoes - i mean, i'll eat them, but they kind of suck. plus they have this androgynous quality to them in which people want to call them vegetables but they're really fruits. i'm really just not going to be into eating something that is having identity problems. get it together. stick to ketchup.

i know there's more to list, but the aforementioned fruits primarily represent the makeup of my fruit diet.

any thoughts or suggestions?


edwardallen said...

here's a thought. your list is wrong. apples are the best. bananas are ridiculously annoying. i hate it when i am driving down the road and i spin out on somebody's banana peel. i mean, come on. and even worse, what do you do with the peel when you are done? people who eat bananas smell like bananas and that is not good. when i was a kid and i would bring my lunch to school, if my mom put a banana in my lunch every other item in the lunch would smell and taste like banana. this is a problem

grapes are real good. i recommend fronzen grapes for a wonderful summer snack.

on a side note. i have followed the lead of you and my wife and started a blog here.

classic ohio said...

grapes are lacking, and whenever i'm eating them all i do is wish that someone was feeding them to me in some sort of anthony and cleopatra like way. if that makes sense.

i'd have no problem with all of my other foods smelling like bananas. better than everything smelling like chili dogs.

R. Zach Thomas said...

How much you wanna bet Coates gets naked at his wedding reception?