Monday, December 8, 2008

Christmas Retarded.

I love that as you get older, Christmastime begins to lose its luster and allure you often associated the holiday with as a kid. For instance, I have no fucking clue what I want for Christmas. I feel like I should have several grandiose presents mapped out in my head, but all I can think of are practical gifts. I just don't care that much. It becomes more about the stress of what you're going to get others instead of stressing out about what you're going to get. I don't know which one's better or worse. When asked, I told my mom I wanted a paper shredder...a paper shredder. This is what popped in my head. I also need new shoes. Not to be fashion conscious or anything. Simply because my current shoes are falling apart. Why can't I be more creative with what I ask for? Do I not have it in me anymore?

I can possibly attribute this transformation to my childhood when I asked for a Power Wheel every year of my life until I was probably around 15, and I never got one. This obviously has scarred me terribly, and I've never recovered. Being disappointed year in and year out had such a negative effect on my psyche that I'm surprised I ever learned how to tie my own shoes. My older brother (he's 31) is getting a Wii for Christmas this year. That seems like fun, but I can't ever imagine having one. I can, however, imagine getting a paper shredder.

I'm not gonna lie, Christmas has just kind of become a headache. I'm not good at getting presents for people either...just not creative enough. I've come to grips with that. So, that doesn't bring me great joy because I always feel like the recipient is just a little bummed out that he or she got another gift certificate to Best Buy, Target, etc. My uncle, whom I haven't seen in like four years, gets me a gift certificate to Best Buy. See, now that makes sense. I wish I could go to a self-help seminar solely dedicated to teaching the gift-giving-disabled how to properly purchase a creative, heartfelt present and deliver it to its intended recipient.

I can't even imagine what it would be like if I had a family consisting of more than five people. That'd be fucking tough. The mental energy I'd have to spend trying to think up presents would probably result in a painfully crippled mind that wouldn't fully recover until after least.

All that being said, I am kind of looking forward to the paper shredder. I'm a dork.


R. Zach Thomas said...

Y'know what the coolest thing about paper shredders is? It's that they shred paper into really tiny pieces.

Remember the Wednesday Night Nights of Debauchery that Coates and I used to partake in? Yeah, shredded paper, man.

edwardallen said...

i used to be completely unable to sleep on christmas eve. it took all i had to fall asleep, and then i would wake up at like 3 in the morning. my parents made a rule that we could not start christmas morning until 6 am, so for three hours i would lay in my bed and attempt to predict the presents i would receive and recite the current san francisco giants lineup over and over.

nowadays i like to sleep in, because when it comes down to it, i don't get that many chances to sleep in anymore.