Monday, June 15, 2009


It's been far too long since my last post, but I have a good excuse. I was in cars and planes for what seemed to be an eternity. Let's map this shit out. On Saturday morning (6/6), I found out my grandfather had passed away on my mom's side. He had extremely advanced Alzheimer's, and we were expecting this, but it still blows balls. Anyway, I had scheduled a vacation to visit Russell the Love Muscle in D.C. on Thursday (6/11). So, I went into work on Sunday for like nine hours (I don't know if there's a more helpless feeling then getting to work on a Sunday at 9:30 AM, sitting down in your office, and realizing you have to work) because my work deadlines changed due to the funeral.

After working for nine hours Sunday and then seeing my lover St. Vincent play at the Metro, I went into work at 9 AM Monday and worked until 8 PM. I then drove home, shoved food into my mouth, packed, and headed to Cincinnati. I got in at about 3 AM and promptly went to bed. The next morning, I hopped in the car with my stepdad at 8 AM and began the trek to Harlan, KY, which is about four and a half hours away. After the funeral, which ended around 8 PM, I ate Pizza Hut and basically went to bed (I'm obviously avoiding any sort of funeral details. Simply put - it fucking sucked). The next morning, I woke up at 9 AM for the burial, ate more Pizza Hut (Harlan doesn't have a heavily diverse food selection), and headed back to Cincinnati. I got in at 4:30 PM or so, fed my mom's dog, and drove back to Chicago, arriving around 9:30 PM on Wednesday night. On Thursday at 10:30 AM, I flew my tight ass out to DC.

So, that was the wildness of last week before I made my trip to visit Russ. It felt like a week crammed into two and a half days, and it wore me the fuck down. Luckily, I remained spry and virile enough to vacation in the nation's capital. When I arrived at the National airport in D.C., I became afraid that the plane had accidentally landed in Cincinnati. See, Chicago's weather has been a heaping pile of diarrhea lately, chocked full of rain, wind, crappy temperatures, and other bullshit that made it feel like the beginning of fall, as opposed to the beginning of summer. When I walked out of the airport, the stifling humidity of D.C. kicked me in the assdick. Not as bad as Cincinnati, but still tough shit. I was actually wearing a flannel at the time and had packed a jacket, amongst other sweatshirt-type materials. Needless to say, I'm an awful packer, and I suspect I always will be because I tend to overcompensate for everything all the time.

The trip was a damn solid time. I've driven through the capital on tour but never actually visited. Here are my lasting impressions and other highlights:

-D.C. traffic is just fucking terrible. Magda put it best when she said that the city never really decided whether it wanted to be considered a public transit city or a car city. It's caught in some sort of transportation identity limbo, and everyone is suffering because of it.

-The city as a whole is much more racially integrated than any Midwest city I've been to or lived in. This is a good thing, and I enjoyed the characteristic.

-The Nationals ballpark is less than exciting and really just not too fucking impressive. It was about as impressive as the Reds deciding to lose to the Nationals on my first day in town. Good job, shitbags.

-Russ should get a job as a professional smoker. He's fucking good at it and has taken it up a couple of notches in his quest for perfection. That boy knows how to smoke, and he does it a whole fucking lot. More than I've ever seen before.

-The Capitol Building and the White House are imposing buildings where important people do important work.

-There's a strange sense of southern hospitality about D.C. (I know, I know. The city's not in the "South," but that's my way of describing people who aren't rude shitbags, so suck it). Everyone I met was super fucking nice and hospitable beyond belief. I don't think I really saw too much of the scenester scene of the city, and maybe that's a good thing. I commiserated with late 20/early 30-something groups, and I appreciated them greatly. Being judgmental is for the birds.

-Shit's expensive.

-This may seem obvious to others, but I was way in to the multiple dialects being spoken on random street corners throughout the city. Must be all those damn embassies.

-Russ and I succeeded this weekend in stringing together as many obscenities and objectionable words as we could to make new exciting amalgamations. Examples include assdick (see above), slitcunt, fuckbitch, pussytwat, and so on.

-The Mexican restaurant we went to didn't have black beans. I question their authenticity, or just their intelligence in general. The weekend's food in general was pretty okay, and the city has a lack of brunch options. This is no good.

-I'm a big fan of hearing drug dealing stories and other crackhead themed tales.

-Dance parties that break out at 1 AM with twelve people on a tiny-ass patio will always rule.

-I didn't see Ian MacKaye or any other iconic D.C. musicians. Bummed.

-It felt poignant to be leaving the nation's capitol on the country's most heralded day. You guessed it, Flag Day.

All in all, I would try again. Recommended.


Magda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Magda said...

I posted a comment, then thought twice about it and deleted it. But now I see this message about how I removed it, which seems worse. So I'll repeat myself:

"You saw me. I'm iconic and fucking famous as shit. You're welcome."

And while I'm back, some additional points...

-- While I won't support the absence of black beans, I will not tolerate your questioning the intelligence of Salvadoran Haydee's. You obviously need a fiesta margarita straight to the dome.
-- Brunch is stupid. It's now impossible to get lunch on Sunday OR Saturday. And I refuse to pay $20 for bourgie leftovers.
-- You and Russ say "pussytwat" and "fuckbitch," but all I hear is, "I love you."
-- You were a real hit. <3

edwardallen said...

black beans really aren't authentic mexican food. i've spent a lot of time eating a lot of food in mexico and i have never seen black beans there. black beans are good, this is true, and they are "hispanic," but not central to the mexican food experience. i think they're big in other types of hispanic food (cuban, puerto rican, spanish, etc.) but you will not find black beans in mexico. or at least i never have.

other than that, i did not find any errors or ommissions from your post.

Merk said...

DC is alright in small doses. I have been back and forth from Denver to DC about six times in the past year and did not eat any mexican food. I did however eat a bunch of seafood and such.

I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. Did you get my vm? I had to deal with similar stuff. Hang in there!