now, don't get me wrong ESPN, i still love you. we wake up together in the morning and go to bed together at night. you provide me with endless podcast entertainment throughout the day. i watch and read you like it's my job and even dabble a little in your fantasy leagues. when no one else wants to give me sports, you never hesitate. you complete me.
that being said, i cringe every year around this time because the channel/website/magazine i so admiringly adore churns out some of the most exploitative bullshit ever. if you are even somewhat in tune with ESPN programming then you're probably familiar with the "My Wish" segment of the show. In this ten minutes of torture, ESPN spews forth the most trite, watered down, and inexplicably unwatchable puff pieces i've ever seen. and to top it all off, they have chris connelly narrate. dear lord.
i'm sure you're probably thinking right now, "come on kevin, why do you have to be so cynical? sure it's a puff piece, but they're touching stories and athletes are involving themselves in order to make these kids feel better." this is true. but to what end does ESPN involve itself? the athlete thing is neither here nor there. he (i'm forgoing the he or she for the sake of brevity) shows up for about a half an hour, talks to the kid who idolizes him, signs some shit, and takes off. occasionally he'll play a game with the kid. and you know what? that's great because the kid seems happy that he just got to meet his hero, and he's fucking stoked. i'm all for that. good times. thumbs up.
it's how espn approaches it though. i'm sorry, but the transition just can't be there. you can't go from meticulously evaluating and covering brute, violent sport to a puff piece. the network airs a vicious fight between the rays and the red sox and subsequently discusses the necessity of throwing a 90 mph fastball at a batter in order to protect your team. i mean the announcers were literally pinpointing the part of the body you should sling the ball towards. have you ever been hit with a baseball? it fucking hurts...bad. and they were discussing why a pitcher needs to intentionally do this at times. and within 20 seconds of finishing that analysis,the channel transitions to a story about a kid with terminal cancer who finally got to meet alex rodriguez, his idol. the whole thing screams of desperation on ESPN's part, and it sucks. i mean, puff pieces are puff pieces. there's no escaping them, and 90% of the time they're bullshit, but i just feel like ESPN is exploiting the hell out of unfortunate kids for the sake of appealing to more of a mass audience that really isn't watching anyway. people who watch ESPN watch it for the sports. that's it. stop bullshitting around and stick to what you know.
oh, and did i mention chris connelly narrates? ugh.
please don't take this fired up rant as any kind of knock on anyone performing charitable acts for disadvantaged kids. if you are taking it that way...then you're dumb.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
seasoned.
okay, so i was having this conversation with a few people yesterday about what the prime season is. i'm sure everyone has had this conversation at some point. we went back and forth for a while. one said fall and one said late spring, which is the equivalent to just choosing any piece of a season and saying it's the best. it doesn't work that way. you can't just say my favorite season is the two weeks at the end of december because they contain christmas and new year's. i don't think so. anyway, it has become obvious to me over the last couple of years that the best season is and will always be summer.
fall is the easy answer, and i used to claim it as the best time of year as well. you know why? because it contains a keen sense of nostalgia. definitely the most nostalgic season of the year. cool weather, campfires, leaves falling, football...all that shit. i think the smells are the most apparent during fall in comparison to any other time of year. such things leave nice impressions on young impressionable minds. however, now that i'm old and crotchity, you begin to realize all the bullshit of the change from summer to fall. no one, at least not me, wants to have to start wearing heavier clothing and layers. why would i want to have more clothing on when i could easily have less? i know the fashion possibilities and creative layering that can occur with season changes, but let's try to keep those separate. i'm talking about comfortability. shorts and a t-shirt sound better than jeans and a hoodie to me.
you know what else? i like to sweat. actually i kind of love it. it makes me feel like i accomplished something. like i was sent to complete a task, and goddamnit, i took care of it. i like going running or biking more in the summer because i come back as a hot, disgusting mess. it's an indescribable, refreshing feeling. you just can't get that same sensation with other seasons.
also, the hang out time is maximized in summer. porches and decks rule all, and there is definitely something to be said for spending an entire night hanging out on someone's porch and drinking adult beverages. is there anything you'd rather do than hang out with friends outside on a warm evening and rehash the same jokes and stories you've been telling for years? honestly, that sounds pretty fucking good to me. you don't want to sit inside during summer. you want to be active. it sounds simple and kind of dumb but outside is better than inside. absolutely.
i guess one of my main points to this rant is that i feel summer is underrated in the midwest because of the actual appearance of seasons (unlike southern california). people maintain affinities for those that are the "changing" seasons, like spring and fall, because of the certain amount of "feel" that comes along with that. nostalgia's great and all, but does it ever make you feel great? i don't really think so. even the good times are viewed sadly as pieces of life that can't and won't happen again. kind of a bummer. i feel that summer is more respected and enjoyed in the moment, without any preconceptions. or maybe i just want to think and remember less. that's always a possibility too.
oh by the way, i'm not really even going to mention winter. it's just fucking cold.
fall is the easy answer, and i used to claim it as the best time of year as well. you know why? because it contains a keen sense of nostalgia. definitely the most nostalgic season of the year. cool weather, campfires, leaves falling, football...all that shit. i think the smells are the most apparent during fall in comparison to any other time of year. such things leave nice impressions on young impressionable minds. however, now that i'm old and crotchity, you begin to realize all the bullshit of the change from summer to fall. no one, at least not me, wants to have to start wearing heavier clothing and layers. why would i want to have more clothing on when i could easily have less? i know the fashion possibilities and creative layering that can occur with season changes, but let's try to keep those separate. i'm talking about comfortability. shorts and a t-shirt sound better than jeans and a hoodie to me.
you know what else? i like to sweat. actually i kind of love it. it makes me feel like i accomplished something. like i was sent to complete a task, and goddamnit, i took care of it. i like going running or biking more in the summer because i come back as a hot, disgusting mess. it's an indescribable, refreshing feeling. you just can't get that same sensation with other seasons.
also, the hang out time is maximized in summer. porches and decks rule all, and there is definitely something to be said for spending an entire night hanging out on someone's porch and drinking adult beverages. is there anything you'd rather do than hang out with friends outside on a warm evening and rehash the same jokes and stories you've been telling for years? honestly, that sounds pretty fucking good to me. you don't want to sit inside during summer. you want to be active. it sounds simple and kind of dumb but outside is better than inside. absolutely.
i guess one of my main points to this rant is that i feel summer is underrated in the midwest because of the actual appearance of seasons (unlike southern california). people maintain affinities for those that are the "changing" seasons, like spring and fall, because of the certain amount of "feel" that comes along with that. nostalgia's great and all, but does it ever make you feel great? i don't really think so. even the good times are viewed sadly as pieces of life that can't and won't happen again. kind of a bummer. i feel that summer is more respected and enjoyed in the moment, without any preconceptions. or maybe i just want to think and remember less. that's always a possibility too.
oh by the way, i'm not really even going to mention winter. it's just fucking cold.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
scattered everywhere.
random thoughts i have in the morning (in chronological order):
-should i hit the snooze button?
-what's the weather like?
-i wonder if kevin (my roommate...yes, his name is also kevin) is in the bathroom.
-i hope the water pitcher is full of cold water.
-hashbrowns and buttered toast or granola and a banana?
-fuck mike and mike in the morning. they get more annoying every passing day. i'm just gonna watch sportscenter.
-why do the reds always lose to the cardinals (cubs, brewers, etc, etc)?
-goddamn, i don't feel like running.
-what's the weather like?
-what converge album am i going to listen to while i'm running?
-i'd love to live on logan boulevard. look at all the trees, strollers, and fences. so neighborhood like.
-i'm a fan of sweating.
-do i have time to take a shower?
-eh, fuck it. i'm fine.
-water, vitamins
-what pair of dirty, mismatched socks am i going to wear today?
-what piece of american apparel is it going to be today?
-why do people at the train station look down the tunnel to see if the train's coming? trust me, you'll be able to hear it coming.
-i wonder if i get reception down here? let me check. (i never do).
-i'd rather just stand on the train. i have to sit down all day at work.
-everyone on the train is trying to act like their reading a book or listening to music. in actuality, they're all taking quick glances at everyone else and sizing them up.
-i wonder if there's a quicker way/shortcut to work. (i'm obsessed with shortcuts).
-do the people at 7/11 look forward to seeing me everyday? they seem like it.
-water, vitamin water, or smoothie?
-i'll always take the stairs. i like feeling like i'm getting some kind of exercise.
-i can never get comfortable in my office. if only i had something to put my feet up on.
-should i hit the snooze button?
-what's the weather like?
-i wonder if kevin (my roommate...yes, his name is also kevin) is in the bathroom.
-i hope the water pitcher is full of cold water.
-hashbrowns and buttered toast or granola and a banana?
-fuck mike and mike in the morning. they get more annoying every passing day. i'm just gonna watch sportscenter.
-why do the reds always lose to the cardinals (cubs, brewers, etc, etc)?
-goddamn, i don't feel like running.
-what's the weather like?
-what converge album am i going to listen to while i'm running?
-i'd love to live on logan boulevard. look at all the trees, strollers, and fences. so neighborhood like.
-i'm a fan of sweating.
-do i have time to take a shower?
-eh, fuck it. i'm fine.
-water, vitamins
-what pair of dirty, mismatched socks am i going to wear today?
-what piece of american apparel is it going to be today?
-why do people at the train station look down the tunnel to see if the train's coming? trust me, you'll be able to hear it coming.
-i wonder if i get reception down here? let me check. (i never do).
-i'd rather just stand on the train. i have to sit down all day at work.
-everyone on the train is trying to act like their reading a book or listening to music. in actuality, they're all taking quick glances at everyone else and sizing them up.
-i wonder if there's a quicker way/shortcut to work. (i'm obsessed with shortcuts).
-do the people at 7/11 look forward to seeing me everyday? they seem like it.
-water, vitamin water, or smoothie?
-i'll always take the stairs. i like feeling like i'm getting some kind of exercise.
-i can never get comfortable in my office. if only i had something to put my feet up on.
Monday, June 2, 2008
diners.
i know that justin and i have had this conversation before, but i'm watching diners, drive-ins, and dives right now and wondering how guy fieri is not a disgusting, fat behemoth. when you think of best jobs in the world (i.e. bill simmons) guy fieri always comes to mind. the food network pays for him to go around the country and eat whatever the hell he wants as he visits some of the most delectable looking greasy spoons i have ever seen. and damn does he eat everything. it's fucking awesome. i don't eat meat, but some of the greasy, cheesy, and utterly delicious shit that he shoves down his gullet looks like it's been baptized by the gods.
what makes this show so great and seemingly brilliant in comparison to other food network shows is that it showcases what america really craves. not those rachel ray low calorie, spinach-ridden abominations, but meat that's been marinated in other meat juices, then sauteed in 12 pounds of garlic and topped with five different mounds of cheese. served with fries on the side of course.
and he eats it all. they just got done with a chicago diner, and he literally ate a cheddar burger, a polish sausage, a massive hot dog, and a whole heap of italian beef. it's awe inspiring. now, fieri is by no means in shape, and i don't think he'd ever really want to be (it'd like ruin his street cred or something), but he should weigh about 50 more pounds. maybe it's all those "healthy" california diners that level him out. i don't know.
no one in these restaurants looks healthy. those who are quick to say, "i've been coming here for over 20 years" typically aren't the type of people who choose the stairs over the escalator. however, for the split moment when they're eating, and the food network is there to capture it, they're happy. and that makes me happy.
(my god, they just showed guy how they make their cheese sauce. then the chef made a pancake that is literally the size of a pizza and topped it with a burger, sausage, bacon, hash browns, eggs, and said cheese sauce. to top it all off...the dish was served to one, single, solitary man to eat. i don't know how that's even legal).
anyway, guy fieri looks like a turd. justin tells me that it's the "northern california look" because that section of california is typically 5 years behind the rest of the "hip" parts of the state. fieri wears bowling shirts, spikes his ridiculously bleached blond hair, and puts his sunglasses on the back of his head. oh, and don't forget the nautical tattoos. all of this used to distract me, but i don't even remotely fucking care anymore. he's one of the coolest people on tv because he's a happy dude and has the privilege to have one of the best jobs in the world. he knows it too. i mean...i really want to hang out with him. i think it'd be an entertaining time to roll around in his convertible and pound budweisers. no joke.
okay...this post has been distracting me from watching the show. time to end it.
what makes this show so great and seemingly brilliant in comparison to other food network shows is that it showcases what america really craves. not those rachel ray low calorie, spinach-ridden abominations, but meat that's been marinated in other meat juices, then sauteed in 12 pounds of garlic and topped with five different mounds of cheese. served with fries on the side of course.
and he eats it all. they just got done with a chicago diner, and he literally ate a cheddar burger, a polish sausage, a massive hot dog, and a whole heap of italian beef. it's awe inspiring. now, fieri is by no means in shape, and i don't think he'd ever really want to be (it'd like ruin his street cred or something), but he should weigh about 50 more pounds. maybe it's all those "healthy" california diners that level him out. i don't know.
no one in these restaurants looks healthy. those who are quick to say, "i've been coming here for over 20 years" typically aren't the type of people who choose the stairs over the escalator. however, for the split moment when they're eating, and the food network is there to capture it, they're happy. and that makes me happy.
(my god, they just showed guy how they make their cheese sauce. then the chef made a pancake that is literally the size of a pizza and topped it with a burger, sausage, bacon, hash browns, eggs, and said cheese sauce. to top it all off...the dish was served to one, single, solitary man to eat. i don't know how that's even legal).
anyway, guy fieri looks like a turd. justin tells me that it's the "northern california look" because that section of california is typically 5 years behind the rest of the "hip" parts of the state. fieri wears bowling shirts, spikes his ridiculously bleached blond hair, and puts his sunglasses on the back of his head. oh, and don't forget the nautical tattoos. all of this used to distract me, but i don't even remotely fucking care anymore. he's one of the coolest people on tv because he's a happy dude and has the privilege to have one of the best jobs in the world. he knows it too. i mean...i really want to hang out with him. i think it'd be an entertaining time to roll around in his convertible and pound budweisers. no joke.
okay...this post has been distracting me from watching the show. time to end it.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
talking to computers.
i am not a fan of the "revolutionary" technology in which you call to pay your cell phone, car insurance, or cable bill and a computer talks to you and allows voice recognition answers. this is bullshit. it takes double the time to pay your bills and the computer tries to be your friend, although it rarely understands you. i start yelling at it and gritting my teeth, but it just doesn't get the hint that it is completely fucking awful.
is the world full of a bunch of derelicts who found it much too difficult to just punch numbers in on a keypad? i personally don't think so. so what's the point? i mean, the computer never understands me and constantly apologizes. it makes me so angry...angry enough to immediately make this post.
end this madness.
is the world full of a bunch of derelicts who found it much too difficult to just punch numbers in on a keypad? i personally don't think so. so what's the point? i mean, the computer never understands me and constantly apologizes. it makes me so angry...angry enough to immediately make this post.
end this madness.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
hard to believe.
so i got a job. this fact has prevented me from posting a blog for a while. no more luxurious lifestyle of doing whatever the hell i want and really only completing tasks that are of interest to me. when i moved to chicago i thought to myself, "it'd be fucking great if i got a job at the chicago reader." well guess what...i lucked my way into just that. i'm the new music listings editor, and i have an office. imagine that. the job is intensely vicious, and i work tons (45 hours in 4 days...no joke), but i like it. i'll like it even more once i can do it without thinking. i have 5,000 tasks to accomplish daily, and considering my last job consisted of refreshing espn.com every five minutes and looking at colors with glazed-over eyes all day, i'd say it's a bit of a change. however, everyone i work with is cool as hell, i get to work downtown, which makes me feel oh so professional, and i get free shit. not too bad. i'm pretty proud of myself, and it only took three weeks.
working with deadlines is a whole different kind of beast. when i wrote for citybeat, i had deadlines and shit, but i wasn't nearly as involved with the operation of the paper like i am at the reader. i actually feel like if i fell apart, the paper would be fucked, which frightens me because i tend to crack under pressure...a sad fact of my life that i have to grips with. i'll be good though. well, at least i keep mumbling that to myself as i get a barrage of emails at work that make my head want to explode.
check the paper out here
it's the citybeat of chicago, only bigger and way way better.
now that i got that out of my system, lets discuss the most fucked up news of the year thus far. michael christopher coates is getting married on saturday. yikes! i was in town for the bachelor party last weekend, which russ and i organized, and i'd have to say that we did a pretty good job. it exceeded expectations of drunken rowdiness, culminating with coates being obliterated (cigarette in mouth), shirtless, in a wheelchair. i can't even begin to express the amount of joy that night gave me. almost all of my best friends (minus justin) gathering in one place and watching coates get straight hammered. fucking glorious. i'll spare you all of the details because i'm going to post some pictures on here that read like a beautiful, seamless narrative.
so, i'm the best man and have to make a toast/speech. those of you who know me well know that i could be all loud and talk forever, but i think i'm going to keep it simple. no one wants to hear me blabber on and tell inside jokes for a half an hour. i'll spare the world. the whole thing is so strange though because i've known coates for over a decade and he's the first of the original "click" that is getting married. fucked up. i don't think i could've ever imagined that a man who stripped down naked and pissed on the capital building in charleston, west virginia would be getting married. again...fucked up. somewhere along the line, coates got sophisticated and grown up. we're all very proud of him, and we're quietly anticipating his inevitable purchase of a house so that he can have another firesale and all of us can get nice, expensive shit for practically nothing. that's what it's really all about right? absolutely.
anyway...i won't stall any longer. here are some of the choice pictures from the drunken escapade that was coates' bachelor party.
so content.
they gave us free shots. gross.
penick was on fire that night. too funny.
coates said i felt super light. that made me happy because i'm concerned with my looks.
yep. that's his underwear.
i asked him to smoke and drink at the same time. it really didn't take much convincing either.
you guessed it. ending the night in a wheelchair. this one's my favorite...hands down.
working with deadlines is a whole different kind of beast. when i wrote for citybeat, i had deadlines and shit, but i wasn't nearly as involved with the operation of the paper like i am at the reader. i actually feel like if i fell apart, the paper would be fucked, which frightens me because i tend to crack under pressure...a sad fact of my life that i have to grips with. i'll be good though. well, at least i keep mumbling that to myself as i get a barrage of emails at work that make my head want to explode.
check the paper out here
it's the citybeat of chicago, only bigger and way way better.
now that i got that out of my system, lets discuss the most fucked up news of the year thus far. michael christopher coates is getting married on saturday. yikes! i was in town for the bachelor party last weekend, which russ and i organized, and i'd have to say that we did a pretty good job. it exceeded expectations of drunken rowdiness, culminating with coates being obliterated (cigarette in mouth), shirtless, in a wheelchair. i can't even begin to express the amount of joy that night gave me. almost all of my best friends (minus justin) gathering in one place and watching coates get straight hammered. fucking glorious. i'll spare you all of the details because i'm going to post some pictures on here that read like a beautiful, seamless narrative.
so, i'm the best man and have to make a toast/speech. those of you who know me well know that i could be all loud and talk forever, but i think i'm going to keep it simple. no one wants to hear me blabber on and tell inside jokes for a half an hour. i'll spare the world. the whole thing is so strange though because i've known coates for over a decade and he's the first of the original "click" that is getting married. fucked up. i don't think i could've ever imagined that a man who stripped down naked and pissed on the capital building in charleston, west virginia would be getting married. again...fucked up. somewhere along the line, coates got sophisticated and grown up. we're all very proud of him, and we're quietly anticipating his inevitable purchase of a house so that he can have another firesale and all of us can get nice, expensive shit for practically nothing. that's what it's really all about right? absolutely.
anyway...i won't stall any longer. here are some of the choice pictures from the drunken escapade that was coates' bachelor party.
so content.
they gave us free shots. gross.
penick was on fire that night. too funny.
coates said i felt super light. that made me happy because i'm concerned with my looks.
yep. that's his underwear.
i asked him to smoke and drink at the same time. it really didn't take much convincing either.
you guessed it. ending the night in a wheelchair. this one's my favorite...hands down.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
cross it off.
i make lists. if you know me well, then this shouldn't really be much of a surprise. it's one of my neurotic tendencies. i sincerely enjoy constructing a long list of tasks to complete over a week or two. it makes me feel accomplished when i can cross off something from one of my many lists. i may draw a line through "trader joe's" or "new shoes" or "mother's day." it's how i get shit done. my mind is always moving a thousand miles a second because i've got so much shit to do, and the lists will destroy me if i can't come through. well, not really...
i only mention this because as many of you know, i recently shifted more midwest. so, i've began constructing lists of places that i need to frequent (bars, bookstores, thrift stores, movie theaters, etc.) and most importantly, food that i need to eat. now, i had visited chicago many, many times before i moved up here. my best friend growing up used to live here, so i'd spend months up here in the summer. it's different, though, because you're kind of at the mercy of that person to take you where he or she feels is most appropriate, which is all fine and dandy. however, now that i am able to dictate everything i do all the time (kind of), it's been fantastic to taste different parts of chicago.
everyone knows my strong affinity for all things cincinnati, but let's be honest, the vegetarian selection is severely lacking. try to argue with me. i dare you. the best thing about chicago is the plethora of vegetarian options, and i'm not just talking about going to a burrito place and having the option to get a vegetarian burrito. i'm referring to restaurants that are either completely vegetarian or have a huge vegetarian selection to their menu. also, brunch in this city rules. and again, vegetarian chorizo, bacon, and sausage are not hidden treasures. i don't know, i know i'm kind of ranting, but it is so damn nice to have multiple options to dine at any given time. i have yet to be really disappointed with any vegetarian dish i've purchased, but it is possible i'm just kind of mesmerized by the bright lights. who knows...
so my lists are growing, and for once, it's not making me nervous. it's a good time discovering a new city. i gotta admit it.
i only mention this because as many of you know, i recently shifted more midwest. so, i've began constructing lists of places that i need to frequent (bars, bookstores, thrift stores, movie theaters, etc.) and most importantly, food that i need to eat. now, i had visited chicago many, many times before i moved up here. my best friend growing up used to live here, so i'd spend months up here in the summer. it's different, though, because you're kind of at the mercy of that person to take you where he or she feels is most appropriate, which is all fine and dandy. however, now that i am able to dictate everything i do all the time (kind of), it's been fantastic to taste different parts of chicago.
everyone knows my strong affinity for all things cincinnati, but let's be honest, the vegetarian selection is severely lacking. try to argue with me. i dare you. the best thing about chicago is the plethora of vegetarian options, and i'm not just talking about going to a burrito place and having the option to get a vegetarian burrito. i'm referring to restaurants that are either completely vegetarian or have a huge vegetarian selection to their menu. also, brunch in this city rules. and again, vegetarian chorizo, bacon, and sausage are not hidden treasures. i don't know, i know i'm kind of ranting, but it is so damn nice to have multiple options to dine at any given time. i have yet to be really disappointed with any vegetarian dish i've purchased, but it is possible i'm just kind of mesmerized by the bright lights. who knows...
so my lists are growing, and for once, it's not making me nervous. it's a good time discovering a new city. i gotta admit it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
