Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Living Without Cable.

I've got a major decision to make. I don't give two shits whether or not it makes me seem shallow and too dependent on an entertainment medium that's primary goal is to dish out mindless garbage. I know several people that don't have cable and seem to be somewhat well rounded individuals. That's all fine and dandy, but to be honest, I can't keep an eye on them every hour of the day. So who knows how their over stimulated mind is occupying itself the rest of the day? They could be plotting some sort of cult-like mass suicide or a way to wipe out all of the newborn kittens from the planet. The possibilities are endless. Sickos.

First and foremost, I use cable to watch sports and keep up on excruciating soap operas, such as Brett Favre hoodwinking an entire nation of football fans into thinking he's the greatest quarterback ever or A-Rod injecting muscle makers and sullying his stellar career (I literally just got done watching a half-hour SportsCenter segment on a press conference. A fucking press conference. You just can't deny the entertainment value of nitpicking, bit by bit, each facial expression and slight movement A-Rod makes in a public apology). Aside from sports, I also utilize cable for the Food Network, History Channel programs concerning the Nazis and World War II, Rocky marathons, and the occasional Seinfeld rerun.

Let it be known that I grew up without cable, so this wouldn't be some sort of life altering change. The cable guy would come to my house on a monthly basis and tell my mom that we were the only family on the block that didn't have cable. I guess he was trying to guilt her into not being a part of the westside Delhi click of cable users. She laughed in his face, and said she didn't care. I always thought that was awesome of her. I mean, who gives a fuck that we don't have cable?

Anyway, I'll be moving into a nice new place next month in Chicago's lovely Logan Square neighborhood. The guy I'm moving in with doesn't have cable right now, and I've been debating whether or not it's worth my while (from an expense standpoint as well). Not living in Cincinnati makes it a little easier because I'm already missing the Bengals and Reds losing on regular occasions. No big problems there. I've recently been sifting through all the extracurricular activities I'll be able to accomplish without feeling responsible for watching three different ESPN sports variety shows that hash over the exact same topics.

I could begin gardening and raising squash, become part of a mystery book club, learn the ins and outs of cajun cooking, build a model ship in a bottle, knit a sweater, eat a block of cheese the size of a car battery, finally alphabetize my records, wax the kitchen floor, shred whatever I can find in my paper shredder, take my computer apart just to see what's inside, flip my mattress, become a Big Brother to a troubled inner city youth, learn how to do a handstand and a proper cartwheel, or write the great American novel. These are all fine occupiers of time.

Right now, I'm leaning towards cable because I can't imagine getting rid of it before the start of March Madness and the baseball season. That would just be too painful. Plus, they've been showing First Blood a lot on AMC recently, and lord knows that I'll never go against Rambo.

7 comments:

Zach B. said...

I've been without cable for over 2 years and don't miss it. Netflix and high-speed internet is cheaper and there's sites to stream ESPN live. It used to drive me nuts when I realized each station had like 3 or 4 shows that they repeated over and over again.

Then again, the MLB network looks incredible.

Heidi Lynn Bragg said...

i vote no cable!

Magda said...

I support any decision that leads to you writing the great American novel. Or at least updating your Goodreads, you illiterate. But... I've seen what happens to sports fans when you take away their ESPN. It's not attractive.

Dia Gratia said...

I don't have cable, so let me tell you what happens on those nights when you can find nothing productive to do, you watch CSI, or whatever cop show is playing on the three channels you do get. I don't mean COPS, because that would be great, but cop shows, that means a lot of close ups of gun shot wounds and poorly delivered lines. I love not having cable.

edwardallen said...

if you don't have cable, the chances that you and i are i are watching the same exact thing on television at the same time is dramatically reduced to a percentage somewhere around 0%. playoff games could still be enjoyed, but what about amc marathons? what would we do without those? don't get cable to watch tv necessarily, get it because if you don't you will be losing quality time with a very dear friend. in this economy, texting your friend while watching crap on tv is the best we can hope for.

this paragraph was just great: "could begin gardening and raising squash, become part of a mystery book club, learn the ins and outs of cajun cooking, build a model ship in a bottle, knit a sweater, eat a block of cheese the size of a car battery, finally alphabetize my records, wax the kitchen floor, shred whatever I can find in my paper shredder, take my computer apart just to see what's inside, flip my mattress, become a Big Brother to a troubled inner city youth, learn how to do a handstand and a proper cartwheel, or write the great American novel. These are all fine occupiers of time"

well done. i imagine you sitting at your computer and staring at the wall trying to think of this clever little list of silly things. well your efforts were not in vain. i LOL'd

R. Zach Thomas said...

TV is poison.

Ryan said...

Got a really good internet connection??...SlingBox, we will talk later away from prying eyes-
-Ryan