Sunday, February 3, 2008


today is like a holiday. the culmination of five months of football. an end to an exhausting two weeks of over-analysis, outrageous bets and predictions, and ridiculous story lines. i honestly woke up really early today in complete anticipation of today's events. kind of pathetic? well...fuck you, i like it and it makes me happy.

i'm a huge proponent of super bowl parties. for the past three years, my roommates and i have thrown some damn good parties. we'd seriously get into it too. reorganization of TVs to maximize the watchibility, an outrageous spread of food that we provided ourselves, and just the general entertainment of our personalities, which is really the most priceless gift. is there really anything better than a sports party? i'd do it every week if people were as into it as i am. a Wimbledon party? you got it. a party to watch the Masters? fuck yes. it's combining great things into one singular, amazing event. friends, sports, food, alcohol, television, cursing, yelling, etc. sounds fantastic. it reminds me of an article i recently read that said krispy kreme makes a hamburger that uses donuts for the bun. america likes donuts right? america definitely likes meat and hamburgers right? well, what the hell...let's put them together to create an abomination of the very essence of what food should be so that we can make everyone fatter but happier. this is what the superbowl party is. for one day, you forget about maintaining some semblance of decency and you get drunk at 2pm, stuff your face with a copious amount of waste until you're full, and then say "fuck it" and continue to eat just for the sake of eating. there are no rules. it's bedlam.

unfortunately, today will be a little different than previous years. the core of the superbowl party planning committee has disbanded, and the venue has changed. my current residence is too small to maintain several rowdy idiots yelling at the TV, so we are taking it to norwood. no better place right? i'm excited though and am actually gonna head to the grocery soon to pick up supplies.

as far as actual football goes, i'm predicting that it'll be the patriots 34-17. the real bets should be on how may picks eli will throw. justin and i say at least two. i could see up to four. god...he's going to crack.

finally, i'm sick of all you naysayers against the patriots. i'm by no means saying that they're my favorite team, but it'll be something to witness least for me. i'm a sports fan, and i've never seen this shit before. and also, are you really going to root for the giants? i mean...the giants? this is the team your putting all your hopes in to slay goliath? i don't think so. no way, no how. 34-17 is being generous. i wanted to say 78-2, and the two points would only come on a freak play in which little wes welker tries to pull a reggie bush and do a front flip into the end zone. unfortunately though, he loses the ball in the process, and it travels out of the back of the end zone, resulting in the giants' two points. but it doesn't matter because the patriots were winning by so much, and the cameras focus on a patriots sideline trying to hold back their smiles and laughter at little old wes. even big bill looks like he wants to chuckle.

do yourself a favor and really enjoy the first half of the game and gorge yourself during the second half because by then the game won't really be as entertaining. and because you'll feel kind of depressed that tom petty looks like he just turned 96 years old. this is what the NFL has to dish up now? tom petty? really?

i was just janet jackson's boob, and it was gross anyway. don't you think so?



classic ohio said...

i'm speechless.

R. Zach Thomas said...

I don't want to cause a fuss, but I'm pretty sure it's "kaleidoscopes," and not "kaleidescopes."

Allison just reminded me that no one likes a tight-ass, but y'know, I can't let it go, ever.

R. Zach Thomas said...

I love pumping, pumps, and pistons.