Tuesday, March 4, 2008

10 years of jared. wow.

so i'm casually and predictably watching ESPN the other day when a bunch of b-list sports players and celebrities barrage me with a bevy of congratulations for jared fogle. you know jared. he was quite the portly fellow until he discovered the magical, weight-loss elixir that is subway. anyway, he hasn't weighed 500 pounds for ten years now, and subway decided to wrangle up a bunch of names and ask them to show their deepest, heartfelt praise for his accomplishment. sarcasm noted.

subway has definitely benefited from the ad campaign it began to run in january 2000 (that's right, we've been seeing jared for about over eight years). their profits have more than doubled since his face was plastered next to veggie subs everywhere. can you imagine a better job for jared? he basically lives off of subway commercials and "inspirational talks" he gives about fitness and eating. a company that sells turkey subs has made a fat guy into a celebrity and boy do they want you to know it. so much so, that they're willing to mark the ten year anniversary of his weight purge. really? does this seem ridiculous to anyone else?

i admire jared. really, i do. anyone would've taken advantage of the situation too and been more than willing to hold up a pair of size 62 pants and say, "hey guess what? subway helped me lose all this weight." he probably gets free subway for life, makes good money, and is generally happy. i honestly can't think of any one person aside from maybe michael jordan and gatorade that has been as tattooed to a company's success than jared.

are the congratulations worthwhile though? maintaining health both emotionally and physically is a kind of intrinsic part of life. almost like a responsibility to yourself. is jared happier because of subway or because of the weight loss? trust me, subway did not solely carry jared through his miraculous transformation. it was an aid. a facilitator. it had to be grueling work to lose all that weight and maybe even slightly disconcerting. it's probably pretty jarring to watch yourself physically transform in such a small amount of time. your life completely changes.

what i'm getting at is that i applaud jared for his own personal accomplishments and not for his subway affiliation. all subway's doing is exploiting the hell out of him anyway. if he gained back some of that weight, which honestly he seemed to be doing not all that long ago, subway would not even hesitate to shit all over him. who's to say they haven't already? regardless of his subway ties, jared probably has peace of mind and a pretty fucking good life because of his own dedication to the craft (yes, it's a craft) of losing weight and being healthier.

and there you have it.



edwardallen said...

you know who has the greatest job in the world? the verizon guy. remember when you couldn't go an hour without hearing "are you there now" 40 times? remember how annoying that was? it got so annoying, that verizon dropped it, but they didn't drop the dude. they couldn't. he became the face, and the guy hasn't spoken in like 3 years, yet he appears in every commercial and seems to have the greatest job security around. that guy gets paid (like jared) simply as the face (or body, in jared's case) of a company.

the dell guy could have learned a lesson, but he was dropped like a bad habit... a bad eating habit. just like jared.

R. Zach Thomas said...

Thanks for the kind comment.

Heidi Lynn Bragg said...

It was "can you hear me now" not "are you there now"